Anyone and everyone that has ever known me, knows how much I love the idea of love. And not just that, but the biblical definition and description of the kind of love between two Godly people running after the heart of God more than each other. The kind of love that God has for His Church. The kind of love that is unconditional, that doesn’t know boundaries or borders or time. A kind of love that forgives and gives grace whenever possible; a kind of love that looks past what has been or what is right now or what will be in the future. A kind of love that is slow to anger, that is always patient, no matter the situation or circumstance. The kind of love that doesn’t give up when life gets hard, and one that has never and will never fail. That’s the idea of love I have always imagined and one that I have silently searched for my whole life.
And for the past 4 years, I knew that I was ready for that kind of love. I knew for a fact that I was ready to be the head of a household. There wasn’t a doubt in my mind that my heart was ready to support my spouse and to start a family. And I’ve been so close to having that in my life. On two separate occasions I have either been engaged or on the verge of becoming engaged because I knew I was ready. God, on the other hand, knew that I wasn’t. Which is why I’m still single today. Because His ways are higher than my ways and His thoughts are higher than my thoughts. I may not understand why some things happen the way they do, but He doesn’t ask me to understand them either.
You see, God has recently made me come to the realization that I have made the idea of marriage and my search for it an idol in my life. I have been idolizing marriage for years now. I had placed more emphasis on the relationship I had at the time than on my relationship with Him. I had been searching for a lifetime kind of love that I could call my own and that God would approve of instead of actively seeking the very face of Love in Jesus. I have realized now that my own selfish ambition for a God-ordained love ultimately has become an idol in my life, which has come between God and I… I have blinded myself from seeing what He has planned for me.
I believe He’s leading me into a new level of maturity in Him with pursuing the peace that comes with patiently waiting on His perfect timing. This is Valentine’s Day, or what some have come to know it as Single’s Awareness Day. And with this new level of spiritual maturity, I believe that God is leading me to dedicate this area of my life back to Him and to just let go.. With that being said, I feel like I’m supposed to stay single for at least the next 6 months until I know that my heart is ready for something more. And even then, I shall allow Him to lead me to what He knows is best for me.
God is always sovereign. My life, and every aspect of it, is in His hands.
DallasDrafts 